Description:
Mirror ball, watercolour on handmade paper, 21x29 cm
In this painting, you can see my bedroom lamp and a disco ball. This object is very important in my work. At first, a disco ball looks bright and joyful. It reflects light and creates a party atmosphere. But actually, it is made of many small pieces, and it never becomes one whole image. It reflects light, but it doesn’t create light.
For me, this is similar to the experience of disability. You can be visible, present, even central — but still feel separate or excluded. The disco ball creates energy for others, but it doesn’t take part in it. In my painting, it becomes both a symbol and something alive — like a participant in the scene.
I paint on handmade watercolour paper, which absorbs water very quickly. The paint spreads, and the lines don’t stay sharp. I also use a fan brush, which is very hard to control. It’s difficult to make clear shapes or straight lines. I choose these materials on purpose. Because of my disability, I paint lying in bed, and my hands are not very strong. I don’t have full control over my movements — so I work with materials that are also uncontrollable. This gives me freedom.
Instead of trying to control everything, I allow the paint, the water, and my body to work together. I don’t try to make a perfect image. I accept instability, softness, and unexpected results. The painting grows naturally — and I stop when my body tells me to stop. For me, this is not failure. This is a different kind of strength. It’s about letting go of control and finding beauty in what feels “wrong” or imperfect.